Res Ipsa Loquitur (phrase)- Latin, Legalese: "The Thing Speaks For Itself." . . . DREAM JOURNAL

I've had tonnes of problems sleeping the past month, back to the 3-4 hours per night problem. Unfortunately, the reason is pretty straightforward: I don't like the area of the law in which I got my first paying job. Actually, "don't like" is too mild. That makes it sound like there's something redeemable there. O.K., I actively hate the area of the law in which I got my first job.

The firm is great. The people at the firm are great. The practice area makes me want to get a lobotomy with a rusty crowbar, just to make it a bit more tolerable. What could it be, you ask? Why, family law, of course. Official motto: "Making criminal defense work look like a sane career choice since 1843...."

Anyways, I finally had actual sleep this weekend with actual dreams. A few from last night really stood out:

In the first dream, my friend lyria owned a small, but well-laid-out office space in a boutique shopping mall. It was costing her around $300 a month, and we decided that I would buy it from her. So, I moved in and set up my own legal practice, doing uncontested divorces and writing wills for people who came by. I was working on a will for a guy when I woke up. In the dream, I was a bit nervous but was fairly content. I was also pretty certain I'd be able to make the business work.

Pretty obvious meaning there: in the dream, I was able to control the sort of work that I do. Near as I can tell, it's confirming something I already pieced together, based on the past month: I need to choose a practice area that is a better fit.

In the second dream, a friendship with an ex with whom I had had a nasty, bitter split-up was restored. We gave each other a big, happy hug and vowed to be great friends, like it was before we had ever dated (well, he did get one snarky comment, true to form, but overall the motif was joyous and reconciliatory).

I'm guessing the meaning might be one or two things: perhaps the dream is saying that I am reconnecting with a quality that I had before I dated the individual in question. And/or maybe the dream was building upon the first one, and reminding me how much I hate conflict. This person would be a natural personal symbol of exactly the sort of spiteful conflict that I have been seeing the last month.

It's nice to get some sleep again.

Last night I had a dream set in the Canadian city where I went to undergrad. One college friend was managing a restaurant, and the waitress never brought out anything for me, so I was reporting her bad service to him. Then the dream turned into this whole sequence about Western-style snow and how much I miss it. I could watch those beautiful, dry layers building up and see that special way the streets in the northwest gleam when the snow has been plowed and packed down, but not totally removed. So unlike our miserable, slushy east-coast snow.

Hm, maybe I was cold when I was sleeping.

I then dreamt about New York, probably because I traveled there a month ago. In the dream, it was fairly clean and not too crowded. I found an apartment building in Manhattan with beautiful marble paneling everywhere, for an affordable price. While walking around, I overheard some attorneys talking about jobs and decided that I might move into the apartment to work and that my husband would join me there.

Ha, gorgeous, affordable apartments in a clean, open Manhattan. Talk about pure fantasy.

Last weekend or so, I had a really *odd* dream set in an underground world that was somehow near Germany. You'd drive along a few lovely country roads and suddenly be there. The people had a very strict society, though. The rulers told people who they had to marry, and so on. The architecture in the world was sort of old-England/old-Germany, with lots of plaster houses with dark wood accent beams, or Victorian-style houses covered in shingles. It all seemed pretty deep at the time, but I lost many details upon waking up.

Oh, and I had a bunch of "I have not really graduated from law school" dreams a few weeks ago. Usually, they'd be set in a class with a professor I didn't like and I'd have to study for a test that was coming up too soon, or I'd have to write a huge paper and did not have enough time. If I failed in the task, I would not graduate. In the last dream, though, my friend jeoshua called and said that I had to come back into the city where we went to law school and take an exam scheduled for the next day, otherwise our J.D.s would not count. In that dream, I realized that I was already an attorney. I protested that I had been planning to meet lyria for lunch the next day (this part was based on real life, and we did indeed meet for lunch as scheduled, dream-world exams aside). 

Last week I had a dream that my husband was adopting a huge hare, one of those tall, European beasts. For some reason, we were living in my grandmother's old house, but by ourselves--except for the cats, of course. I was worried about taking care of the hare and about how it would interact with the cats. Then, I saw other rabbits in the place, most vividly a small, wild cottontail.

The interesting thing was that I really felt a need to go on a walk the next day, in the evening. A wild rabbit, not unlike the one I saw so clearly in the dream, stopped on the sidewalk right in front of me and let me get really close. I watched him or her eat grass for a while, until a passing truck scared the bunny off the sidewalk. Even then, the wild rabbit let me watch him (or her) hop around in the grass while I passed by on the sidewalk.

The experience reminds me of something I have read about dreams: with dreams, time can be rather non-linear, to say the least. Supposedly, some folks regularly incorporate imagery from the next day or the next week into their dreams.  It's not really clairvoyant dreaming so much as taking material  from your life and basing dreams around it... just happens that some of the material hasn't happened to you yet, linearly-speaking.

I had a bad dream about my cat last night: she suddenly had all sorts of medical problems, her fur was thinning, and I was desperately trying to find a vet. Hope that doesn't indicate a real problem. Probably has more to do with how I am approaching a responsibility, as pets are usually my dream symbol for responsibility or care-giving.

Oh, last week I also had a lucid dream, set in my transcendent dream version of a Canadian city that I used to live in. I was admiring the details and beauty of the buildings, and then suddenly realized that I wasn't actually seeing anything physical and that I was dreaming. I tried to change the color of the sky, but to no avail. Still, I was very impressed by how real everything appeared. It all looked at least as real as the waking world, even though I was completely conscious of the fact that everything I was experiencing was non-corporeal. What an odd sensation.

This past weekend (Friday/Saturday), I was conscious of my dreams the entire night. It was odd, and off course it felt like the dream sequences were going on for hours upon hours upon hours....

The string of dreams began in New York, inside tunnels with indoor stores. I remember seeing a Russian store and doing some exploring.

There were more sequences that have faded, then the night launched into something roughly based off Harry Potter. I was at a wizardry school, but it looked very modern, like an office building with lots of bluish glass and multiple levels. I realized that I was a wizard, so I did not have to worry about walking up stairs. I levetated myself to the top floor, enjoying my wizardly power. Fun stuff.

Then things got weird(er).

Another sequence started, something with me and everyone around me all being different people from the nineteenth century. I just remember passing over a river on a stone bridge,  and  that a girl was trying to hang off the back of a carriage, but the carriage got hit and --I think-- killed her.

The dream switched over to this ancient-feeling sequence set in a town, still in the nineteenth century of so (it felt vaguely Victorian). I was someone else, and I was in stone houses that were nicely decorated. There was a whole bit about an author that I cannot remember, and I was going through his or her rooms, which were on the top floor of an old-style townhouse. There was spring foliage outside, and birds singing over the cobblestone streets.

Then the scene changed again, and I (more or less, at least) was observing the inside of a beautiful stone church, still in Victorian times. I remember gold light and that it was Christmas. I ended up sitting at a table in a large stone hall next to a young girl. We had some sort of non-parental relationship, and she really liked me and I really liked her. Her family was there, dressed in Victorian clothing. We were watching some sort of show involving literature or music, and it was very beautiful. At some point, my father showed up and stood to one side, watching. He looked happier than I had ever seen him look in the waking world. The whole thing had a mystical and spiritual feel to it.

Later, I was exploring a city --still in something resembling the nineteenth century! I just remember houses that reminded me of England, and walking along a long promenade with stone walls, overlooking a river or some other body of water (it was still, and fairly wide, but you could see the other shore).

Unfortunately, a lot of the details faded fast. But the dream sequences were really interesting when they were happening. They felt like literally being in other worlds.

I've been bad about recording dreams lately.

Anyways, last night I dreamt that my husband was a sorcerer and we were on a bridge or pier that went over a lake. Towards the north, we could see all sort of birds --mostly raptors-- flying among the trees along the shore. Many of them were like bald-headed eagles, but with more white on their bodies. Then, when we sitting together on the pier, a big snowy owl landed directly between us and let us get a nice look at it before taking off again. As a bird watcher in the waking world, I was impressed!

The past month, I've had a number of dreams on a new theme: taking over cooking in someone else's kitchen. In one dream, my husband and I were at a Bob Evans owned by a friend of ours (a dream detail; we don't have any such connection in waking life). The friend had just opened the place, and was having lots of trouble. His waiters and waitresses were so slow that they could barely serve coffee, much less bring out food, and his cook was way behind. We knew we'd have to wait for hours to get dinner. So, I stepped into the kitchen and took over the cooking. Most of it was placing frozen foods in ovens, and I was doing a much better job than they guy they'd hired to cook. The owner, seeing that things were under better control, got up and left! But the waiters and waitresses were still really slow, and I felt bad that my husband was waiting out in the dining area alone.

In another dream, we were staying at a Bulgarian resort. It was sort of dark and cold, and we were in cabin-like buildings in a forest with other people all around. The food was so bland and terrible that I again decided to cook some myself. This went over well with the other guests.

A few dreams from last night:

In one dream, I was in all-female summer camp. It was not pleasant. At one point,I wanted to take a shower, but a group of other, more-popular girls intentionally got in before me, and I was feeling very down about the lack of privacy at the camp. I recall thinking that it was hell for introverts.

Thoughts: I think this dream was venting some emotional frustration at my new work schedule. I am doing a lot of pro bono work, which is great and is teaching me a lot, but part of me also feels like I am not able to refresh and rejuvenate (shower) as well as before. That's typical of dreams, though. I love my pro bono work, but it is reminding me to also take care of myself while I help others.

In another dream, I was buying an ornament at a Christmas store. Someone next to me had a paper-mache coffin with Santa in it. I said that putting that decoration out would be really offensive, especially to neighborhood children, and was akin to putting up a decoration on Easter saying that Christ never rose (interesting analogy for a non-Christian, eh?). The check-out clerk wasn't too impressed by my observations, and just said he was a Scientologist.  I told him that I believed in Santa, in a matter of speaking, even though I was an adult. He remained skeptical. Then, I looked over at the coffin decoration and saw that the paper-mache Santa was gone.  I told the clerk that Santa had gotten tired of being dead. And then the Fat Man himself flew over us in his sleigh, confirming my statement.

Thoughts: It seems to me that this dream was very Jungian in its fashion, as something/someone that is "clearly" a myth and dead to the real world was shown to be alive and to have power. It was interesting that I was very quick to defend the reality of the mythological being, and turned out to be right. The dream left me feeling quite validated in an odd way.

So, last night I had a classic "missing the aeroplane" dream. In this case, the flight was going to the Caribbean. A bunch of people from my law school captured the flight, but I was fumbling around through bags, trying to find the right identification to get past customs (the customs officials were all from the islands, and seemed to be trying to help). "The Complete Dream Book," by Holloway, states that the aeroplane dream is a common for people my age and that "the plane... represents the ability to move to the next level, either by getting more of what you want in life or experiencing the sensation of fulfillment." Missing the flight symbolizes that "the experiences or satisfaction you are striving for seem elusive."

It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to piece together that this was probably another dream expressing the lag I feel from not yet being employed after law school. Hm, just in time for announcements that the U.S. is in a recession, too. Ah well. Patience, subconscious, patience.

I had another dream last night that I had created a brilliant poster project for my Family Law class and had been saving it afterwards, but that different people (all male) kept cutting it up and turning it into paper mache creations. In one case, a guy made the project into an odd plaster dog doll that I actually liked, but my friend's kid (also male) tried to break it. Then the kid was the person cutting up the project.

Sort of an interesting theme here. Basically, there are repeated male figures taking something I made that had to do with academics, and turning it into something else entirely. Also adding to the mix is the fact that Family Law is one area where I distinctly do not want to practice. I almost suspect that the dream is telling me to consciously mix things up or let something go in regards to my legal training or school experience: in the dream, I was clinging to something that was no longer useful to me... I was proud of the work I'd done, but I had no love at all for the subject it was associated with, and  so --ultimately-- holding on to the old creation was not logical. 

I found a very good dream book at the library: "The Complete Dream Book: Discover What Your Dreams Tell You About You and Your Life" by Gillian Holloway, Ph.D. What makes this book so much better than the many mediocre or just plain bad offerings on the subject? For one, the author bases the material on dreams collected from modern people, not folklore. For instance, I used to dream of eating glass: turns out that this is not an uncommon dream among modern American women. Secondly, by drawing from real-life dreamers, the author adds fresh perspective to old themes. As an example, I have often had that classic "teeth falling out dream." The best interpretation I could find was that it symbolizes loss of power. All very well and good. But "The Complete Dream Book" elucidated on this: the teeth-loss dream is connected to compromises made in waking life, with teeth symbolizing "fidelity to self."

Brief Lucid Dream

A week or two ago, I had a short lucid dream. I dreamt that I saw squirrels who lived in the valleys between ocean waves, or "sea squirrels." It occurred to me that this was the wrong habitat for squirrels and I realized I was dreaming. A construction vehicle moved towards the squirrels and I was able to stop it with lucid magic dream powers. Afterwards, I decided that I wanted to fly, but could not lift myself up very far. And then I woke up.

It is notable that the very bizarreness of the dream image is what allowed me to go lucid briefly.

Dream of Moscow

Moscow is an ongoing theme for me, sometimes with beautiful imagery, but other times with a shabbier, twilight, scary feel. Last night I dreamt I was in Moscow with a group of people. It did not look like the real-world version at all. To get to the city, everyone had to travel through a tunnel that went underwater, but we heard that the tunnel had flooded and that people had died. Everyone was running around in a panic. Then word came through that only one person had died, someone nobody in the group knew. So everyone calmed down. For part of the dream, I was being driven past interesting new Russian stores but the group would not stop. I really wanted to be able to explore the stores.

A Play

Last night I also dreamt that I saw a play written by Terry Pratchett. It was not based on any existing book, but rather an obscure new script that he had written. The people performing were awful: the play was a low-budget production with people who could not act, and a group of us were watching it on a small video screen. But the producers had handed out copies of the script, and it looked very well-written. I was looking forward to getting home to read it through and show it to my husband. Then the scene morphed and I was at a fancy restaurant with friends and a woman I had met at the play. Instead of sitting with them, I chose to sit with a group of alumni from my law school, but felt guilty about leaving the others at another table.
 

Last night I had a number of happy little dreams. In one, I received a letter from a law firm offering me a starting salary of almost $300,000 per year. In real life, I know a recent graduate who makes half that much but has no time to herself, so in the dream I was worried about accepting the offer. But it was nice to be so valued. In another dream, I was elected President of a student group I used to be a part of. In yet a third, I got to work in Ankh-Morpork again, in a more modern version of the city.

Dreams from the past week: I had a rather long, detailed dream about living in a large new house with my husband and his parents. It was quite empty, like we had just moved in. There were demon shape-shifter critters attacking: first they took the form of the creepy skater kids in "Dogma," then they nefariously took on the forms of cats, one of my favourite animals.

Last night I dreamt that the semi-annoying neighbors next door had an Ethiopian restaurant operating out of the back/basement of their townhouse. True to dream form, the restaurant was much larger than would be possible given the townhouse's size. My husband and I were delighted and went there with a large group for an early dinner. They had oil-cooked potato squares that I could taste in the dream: really good. There were also the usual Ethiopian dishes and sponge bread. They had a bar area, and we were vowing to ourselves to go to the restaurant next door very often. Later, we were wandering through our neighbourhood and came across stands where people sold micro-brews made on site. So we had some local beer too.

Emotions: happy about the new place, and excited. Some embarrassment when I ate most of the first course without realizing that I was not sharing; fortunately, the waiters brought the real dinner right after anyways. Also felt very ignored by a friend who was catching up with someone from out-of-town while we were at the dinner.
Elements: novelty, discovery, great restaurant right next door that we had never known was there, likewise with great beers.

A few summaries of other dreams throughout the past week or so:

In one dream, I had inherited my maternal grandmother's house (which she no longer owns in real life). Most of my dreams set in the place are creepy. This one was less so: there was a sense of exploring, and it turned out that she had a huge indoor greenhouse (perhaps a symbol of a relative from that side who owned a floral/plant business in the early 20th century or, more generally, a skill with plants that runs in that side of the family).

In another dream, I was so frustrated with people and dealing with humans that I transformed myself into a wolf and ran away. Probably ties into all the stress of job hunting and constant feeling of powerlessness and frustration one gets from that. I really would rather be a wolf! Especially if my husband could be one too....

Oh, and last night I had a dream that my parents had two more kids: a young girl and a boy. I was struggling with the concept of suddenly having biological siblings, as I have been an only child for over 30 years. I felt very ambivalent about the whole thing, without ever realizing--in the way of dreams--that it would probably be impossible for them to have kids at their age.  I also was a bit nervous about the idea that I might have to raise the kids later on. As I woke up, I had a strong sense that this was another "coming to terms with aging" dream. Interesting.