Not this night but the previous one I had a dream that I was being chased through buildings that looked sort of like large houses in a dark, suburban-style neighborhood. I am not sure who was doing the chasing, but it seemed to be a hostile group of some sort. In the dream, I realized I could shape-shift. I evaded the pursuers as a fox at first, then switched to a hawk to fly through trees. It got even darker out, becoming true night, and I shape-shifted into an owl. I never got away from the pursuers entirely, but they also never actually caught me.
I don’t remember much from last night, except a fragment of a dream in which I heard a disembodied voice tell me to “Live by the numbers, but keep the number loose.” The second part was definitely singular. For some reason, the statement felt comforting and freeing… like there were weights in the first part of the statement that could be dropped. Before I went to sleep, I had been thinking a lot about the differences between “fear” and “frightened” (as least, the different connotations in my own mind) and how much fright I have been carrying inside.
I had some dreams that felt a bit different than usual this morning, strong images mixed together, not necessarily in a “logical” order:
In one vivid sequence, I was walking along corridors open to the sky with brick pillars and alcoves painted with brilliant, colorful pictures of all kinds of Gods and Goddesses, one Deity per alcove. The setting felt like Roman times, and a Roman male was starting to paint over the images with white-wash (like Catholic images were painted over in the Netherlands). I wanted to stop him and save the paintings.
In another sequence, I saw a Catholic priest walking alongside a canal who seemed troubled. I asked him something, I think about what was wrong, and he brushed me off rather rudely. There was more about the canal, but the scenes have faded. I saw people swimming in it, though, and the scene was sort of festive.
In another part of all this, I had created a book about my life with illustrations, the sort I enjoyed drawing when I was a kid. It was a very honest book, and it felt healing to me. There was a page about my patron God and I remember seeing something at the end with a wolf’s paw-print. There was also another bit about what turned out to be an Iraqi nobleman that tied back to the book in a way.
In waking life, I am slowly looking for a new area to move to. I had a fragment from last night, in which I was dream-remembering a country town I have been to in many previous dreams, one sort of located outside a city I used to live in. I wondered why I didn’t just move there, as it is fairly close to where my friends live. Problem solved. But then when I woke up from the fragment and I again remembered that the town does not exist in the waking world!
At the end of last week I had a vivid dream about a storm coming in: not the usual tornado dreams I get, but a huge lightening storm with what seems like hundreds of thin bolts flashing at once in the clouds. In the dream, the storm seemed dangerous, so I went into my parents’ old home and tried to find a secure spot that the storm would not tear away. I ended up in a closet in the basement, one where I had sometimes “hidden” and played as a child. My (deceased) father appeared in the closet, smiling in a friendly way. He was wearing a hat unlike anything he ever wore in real life, a light blue or gray woolen European-style “flat cap” like farmers sometimes wear. I told him it was good to see him and then woke up before we could speak further.
I was having some dark thoughts yesterday morning over coffee about some very recent changes involving Odin. As I was groggily mulling over my doubts, wondering if I could go back to the way things had been before, I heard a squawking close outside though the patio screen. A crow had landed on the metal bar just outside and was calling. So, I told it Odin was welcome in my home and it then flew off.
I have never seen a crow land so close to the condos before. A sign of being on the right track, I believe. This is not the first time He has sent crows. I’ll add that I am not personally interested in the “warrior God” aspect of Him, one which certain groups of people obsess over in extremely unhealthy ways. I get a Face involving deep mystery, joy, energy, and connection.
Part of last night, I had a rather vivid dream that I think was inspired by following some of the Verizon strike news and thinking about how much control corporations have gained over their employee’s everyday lives (employers get to do things that would be rightly counted as abusive if it were done to another human being in a relationship, like control bathroom breaks, etc.).
In the dream, I was wandering in a nighttime area outside a large building where there were shabbily dressed, not quite human groups of slaves toiling. This area was controlled by aliens that looked pretty much human. I was with a small group of other people and was afraid that we would be caught, but because of my clothing, the ones in charge assumed I was not a slave. I went inside and saw some of them in robes singing, but before I went in, one made a comment about how the slaves play later in the day and I knew he was lying. Eventually they caught up with the small group I was in and we were told we’d have to watch something. It turned out to be some sort of machine that produced bulging, translucent human-shaped skins in which the organs were visible, all packed in the wrong way. I woke up to that eerie image.
I has less unpleasant dreams after, but don’t remember them at the moment.
I remember a lot of dreams this morning. In one last night, I was dreaming that I had a space to live shared with six other people in a kind of open area in a large, complex building. The lighting was dim, like twilight. I went to “my” space, and an older Judge walked into hers. Both places were open with no walls; the Judges had nice furniture such a bookcases. She had iron-gray hair cut above her shoulders and I knew that she had been of the bench for twenty years. I introduced myself and was looking forward to getting to know her better, but then in the dream I could see her interacting with administration staff. One was a “paralegal” from my law school (someone who was actually a paralegal a long time before they went to law school). The Judge was unkind, pushy, and a know-it-all towards anyone who was helping her, no matter how good they were. Nothing was ever done fast enough for her, though I knew that the administration staff doing everything as quickly and as well as possible. So, I was lost some respect for her after that.
In another dream, I was in a university-style lecture theater full of people and someone was giving a strange presentation about how the King of the Netherlands was too young to rule. There was a mature-looking woman in front of me with reddish hair cut just above her shoulders who was translating everything into English for her son, who seemed to be an intelligent and serious young person in his teens. The woman looked a lot like a neighbor in waking life whom I get along well with. In the dream, I realized that some of the presentation was about her and that she knew the minority language I was studying. So, I tried to speak to her in it when the presentation ended, but she did not register that I was using the language. Then I spoke in English and explained the situation. I had a bag full of books and resources in the language to show her. She seemed to enjoy meeting me but had to go, so she was trying to get my e-mail address. We were then outside, where the skies were very dark and cloudy, but there were fading fragments of brilliant rainbows visible. This part became very frustrating: first I tried to type the e-mail on her small computer, but it did not have a normal keyboard and I could not enter it. Then I pulled out a cartoon in the minority language from the bag and tried to write the address down, but could not form the letters legibly enough and even misspelled my own name. I woke up feeling frustrated.
In a final dream, I was having some odd sequence about a powerful Pope who lived in a long, dark, vaguely mall-like building. There was a chamber with iron torture instruments. The only person in the mall resisting the Pope was Winnie the Pooh: some of his kind bear-aunts pointed me in the right direction to find him.
Dream about snow igloo outside city, which Mindsay deleted after I tried to publish it the first time. Don’t feel like typing the full version twice. Elements: warning from oldest friend, warming snow, knowing would be all right when snow collapsed.
I had a variation on a repeating dream: every so often, I dream about an airport at dusk and trying to catch flights to different places, usually out west. The airport tends to look similar from dream to dream, but is not quite like any one place I have been in waking life. Anyways, in this dream, I was supposed to catch a flight to Texas but there was a snowstorm, so the flight was delayed. I feel like I have been becoming aware of a lot of “frozen emotions” lately, so the dream fits.
Last week I had a powerful dream. It used images from Buffy The Vampire Slayer, though I have not watched the show recently at all. In the first part, the Watcher was sending me to California to kill vampires, which we both knew I was not qualified for. Later, I met the actual Slayer and told her that I was not a Slayer. I was wondering why she didn’t go on the mission to California instead of me. She agreed that I was not a Slayer, but she was focused on a local house, old and darkened yellow in color, which people were in danger of renting but which harbored hidden vampires in the basement. Then the scene shifted, like watching a show: I saw the dream version of the Slayer in her home, and some vampires left a “present” at the door which turned out to be an explosive. It killed her father and another family member, a sibling I think. But the dream did not show them dying, rather it showed candles burning alone in dark rooms, and that they flickered but did not go out. There was a sense of profound trauma but also the sense that the Slayer would continue.
I take the last dream as a sharp reminder of what the hero/heroine part of the psyche has been through the past few years, and perhaps a warning to not try to focus on “fixing” things far outside myself right now.
Lawd, I'm On The Mindsay!
Survey Time: A Kind of New/Old Self Interview
Almost ten years...